Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Movie)/Transcript

Transcript
- Hang on. We're coming to a bend. - You're going too fast. What's this old iron doing here? I'll give you ten bob for it. Don't be daft. This was once a great car. It won the Grand Prix three years running. So it's a car, is it? - Certainly it's a car. - A racing car. - And we're winning. - You're in the way. You're in the way for a belt around the ear if I have any more of your lip. All right. I'll give you 15 bob for it. Make it 30 and she's yours. Mr Coggins, you're not going to sell her. Course he is. You think he's running a children's playground? All right, 30 bob. I'll pick her up Wednesday. But you promised we could play in her. I'm sorry, but she ain't any use to me. Times are hard. - But you can't take her away. - She's not any old car. She's ours. Not any more she ain't. I'll see you tomorrow, Bill. - What are you going to do with her? - We'll put her in the clapper. Crunch her up till she's one solid piece of metal. Then we're gonna put her in the furnace, melt her down till she's liquid iron. That's what we're gonna do. Look what you've done. You've frightened her. - She shivered. - See? She's a very special car. If you put her in the furnace, you'll be guilty of murder. And if you don't get out of it, I'll be guilty of two more murders. You can't sell our lovely car to that nasty man. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I already have. I know. Daddy will buy it for us, won't he, Jemima? Of course. Promise you won't let it go until we come back. - Please promise. - Please. - All right, I promise. - Come on, Jemima. That's a clever thing to do. - We're very sorry, miss. - I'm sure you are. Just look at my car. And look at the mess I'm in, too. - Oh, no. I think you're beautiful. - And I like your car. Hmm. You shouldn't be rushing across the road. You might have been killed. Anyway, why aren't you in school? - It isn't a holiday, is it? - No, miss. - Do you live around here? - Just down the road. Get into my car. I'm taking you home. Just wait till Daddy hears we've been for a ride in a motor car. - What's your name? - I'm Jemima. - And I'm Jeremy. - What's yours? - Truly. - That's a very pretty name. Now, where is your house? - We don't live in a house. - We live in a castle on top of a hill. I didn't know there were any castles around here. It isn't a castle exactly. Daddy calls it that. He says King Alfred used to live there a long time ago. And does your daddy know you aren't in school? He won't mind. He's awfully busy. Is he? Well, he'll have to find time to see me. I have a few things to say to him. Edison! Here, boy. Good boy. That's Daddy over there. - Hello! - Hello. You're just in time. - What is he up to? - That's his latest invention. - Rockets. - Rockets? Stand back. Keep clear. Hurray! - Does he know what he's doing? - Of course he does. Whoa! That's not funny. Somebody should do something. Hold on. Wait there. - Thank you. - You might have gone up in flames. Madam, I took that into consideration. This suit is flameproof. - Oh, dear. - You have ruined my propulsion unit. - How was I to know... - Don't be cross with the lady. - She gave us a ride. - She was only trying to help. - How very kind. - Her name's Truly. Do you realise I nearly knocked down your children? We do seem to be accident-prone, don't we? It wasn't my fault. They came rushing... It was very nice of you to apologise. Tea time, children. - Goodbye. - Thanks for the ride. Don't you have something to tell your father? Yes, we have. Mr Coggins promised us... She doesn't mean about that. Daddy, we didn't go to school today. Oh-ho. It'll give the other children a chance to catch up, won't it? - Bye. - Bye, Truly. - But, Mr Potts... - Good day. Unstable. Definitely unstable. Hey, hey! Good afternoon, miss. Sorry I can't stop. I'm off to India to have tea with the maharajah. Cheerio. Mr Potts. Mr Potts? I'm sorry to persist about this. Perhaps you aren't aware your children were running about in the road. It's not a playground... Would you mind pressing that switch there? Just behind you. On the right. The right? Thank you. You ought to exercise more control over them. I suppose I could chain them up. On a long chain, so they get plenty of exercise. Don't your children go to school? - I have it now, you're the truant officer. - No, I'm not. Didn't you ever play truant? - I most certainly did not. - I bet you didn't. Would it be too much to ask what this is? This... thing? An invention of mine. Cleans carpets by suction. All that to clean carpets? Away with sweeping and brushing and dirty carpets. Is that all you do? Invent things? - Is that all I do? - What's this gadget? That's not quite right yet, but I hope to transmit moving pictures by wireless. - Really? - Yes, really. As Marconi... And this? This is a sweet-making machine. - Is this one of the sweets? - Yes, it is. Is it supposed to have holes in it? No. Actually, I think the problem... The boiling point of your sugar is too high. An expert on sweet-making, are we? - And an expert on child welfare. - I was only trying to help. Maybe my children like running wild. Did that ever occur to you? And how my children behave is frankly no concern of yours. So take off in your fancy automobile and go do good somewhere else. I've never been... Spoken to that way before? Maybe it's about time. Good afternoon, madam. Mind the cable! Officious, interfering... If women want to drive motor cars, they should learn to operate one. I suppose it wouldn't occur to you to offer to help me. Get in the car, please. For a mechanically-minded man... - Try switching it on! - Oh. Hmph! Open the throttle. And keep it open. Women! Confounded woman. Who does she think she is? Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children. Do I need somebody to tell me how to raise my children? Of course not. - Where's my cardigan? - Under your jacket. Under... Yes. Self-righteous busybody. - She won't be bothering us again. - But I liked her. So did I. She was very pretty. She certainly was. Do you think your father's a crackpot? Your cardigan's inside out. Do you think I'm wasting my time on silly inventions? But they're wonderful. - Nobody else could think of them. - That's right. Nobody else could think of them. After all, what makes the battle worth the fighting? What makes the mountain worth the climb? What makes the questions worth the asking? The reason worth the rhyme? SOMEONE TO CARE FOR Jeremy. Oh, good! Do I smell food? Bring the bread, will you, Grandpa? - And the pepper and salt, please. - Right away, sir. Oh! Sausage and egg, my favourite. How was India? I got up this morning and I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. "How he got into my pyjamas I shall never know." You've heard it before. - I wonder how that happened. - Daddy, could we ask you something? - It's about Mr Coggins. - The junkman wanted to take it away. But Mr Coggins says if we asked you... - Ask me what? - He's a horrid, mean, old man. - Mr Coggins? - The junkman. He'll take it and burn it. What are you going on about? - Our car. - What about it? Mr Coggins is selling it to the junkman. And the junkman's going to put it in the furnace and skwodge it all up till there's nothing left. That's terrible. We can't let that happen, Grandpa. No, definitely no. - We knew you wouldn't let him. - So we can have it for 30 shillings. - 30 shillings? - You can pay him tomorrow. Yes, well, I suppose we can work something out. - Good! - Hurray! - Are you all finished? - Yes, Daddy. I think you should go run up to bed. - Goodnight, Grandpa. - Goodnight, my boy. - Goodnight, Grandpa. - Goodnight, my darling. - Goodnight, Daddy. - Goodnight. You've done it now, haven't you? You think Coggins might do a deal? Him down the road? Sure. He's so mean he wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire. Did you hear that? You know what that means? I'll be up all night, rain pouring in. Why don't you sleep in the workshop? In the workshop? You promised to fix my bedroom roof. - I will. It's just... - Caractacus, my boy. Listen... It's time you woke up. - At your age, I did a day's work... - For a day's pay, polishing boots. I was the smartest batman in the army. When my brigadier went into action, the natives were so blinded by his boots, they couldn't see to fight. Catch me death of cold. He don't care. Nobody cares. Me own son. She was right. Who wants sweets with holes in them? Edison, stop that whistling. Edison, do that again. Edison, you're a genius. The employment office is in the rear. You see, I've invented these sweets. Really? Name? - Whistling sweets. - Mr Whistling Sweets. Mr Whistling Sweets! No. I'm Potts. May I see the managing director? Lord Scrumptious sees no one without an appointment. - How do I get one? - Hello, children. - Jeremy, it's Truly. - Hello, Truly. Miss Scrumptious, how nice to see you. Good morning, Phillips. Please tell my father I'm here. Of course, Miss Scrumptious. - Are you here on business? - Yes, Miss... Father? Truly Scrumptious? - You're his... - Daughter. Let's go. - You haven't shown your invention. - I don't think that'll do much good. Just a moment. Exactly what was it... - You've seen them. - Oh, those. - But they whistle. - Whistle? - Those holes. - You just blow through them. They're very ingenious. Kind of a novelty. Sssh! Please go in, Miss Scrumptious. You can come back in three weeks. - Show Mr Potts in. - Now? - But His Lordship... - Now. Please follow me. Maybe I should come back in three weeks. Go on, Daddy. And don't let him bully you. - Mr Potts, my lord. - Who's he? - Where's me daughter? - She insisted on Mr Potts seeing you. Don't just stand there. What's it all about? - Sweets, sir. - I hardly thought it was nuts and bolts. Let's have a look. - Hurry up. - Yes, sir. - If I may explain... - You have exactly 20 seconds. The fundamental novelty of the sweets is their musical quality. Not only are they very tasty but due to the unique positioning of these holes, when blown through, they render a tuneful whistle. Put your fingers over the holes and blow thus. Tasting time, my lord. Too late. Had your chance. Muffed it. Good morning. Follow him. My lord? Excuse me. Sir, if I may be allowed to demonstrate. By blowing air through this hole, you get a wonderful... - Raspberry? - No. It's more like a toot really. Not enough fruit, too much sugar. - Would you care to try it, sir? - Under no circumstances. He's not doing very well, is he? Another remarkable feature is that by sucking... Throw it away. And get rid of this idiot for me. Oi, you. Hop it! They also come in strawberry, raspberry... - Are you still here? ...and pineapple. Don't waste your pucker on some all-day sucker. And don't try toffee or cream. If you seek perfection in sugar confection, well, there's something new on the scene. A mouthful of cheer, a sweet without peer. TOOT SWEET Go away. You'll contaminate the confectionery. What's going on? Get them out of here. Edison, no! Children! It's your fault. I'll send for the police and the fire brigade. Daddy? Why aren't you two asleep? Don't be sad, Daddy. It wasn't your fault. It was all those mean old dogs. Children... About the car. You see, And when I do get any money, I need it for my inventions. - There isn't any left. - Jeremy and I have been thinking. - It's our treasure chest. - These things are enormously valuable. Look. An ivory tusk. That must be worth a fortune. And diamonds. - And a golden crown. - It's probably King Alfred's. It needs cleaning up a little. Take them. You can sell them. Never mind about the car. You can spend it all on your inventions. Thank you, children. All these wonderful things. They're very precious. But I'm afraid other people wouldn't appreciate them. Why not? Cos other people don't see things the way you do. Let's go to bed. And don't you worry. Things will come right somehow. HUSHABYE MOUNTAIN All the lovely colours. Get your balloons here. Hurry along now. These lovely toffee apples a ha'penny each. Any more for any more? Which one of you ladies and gentlemen would like an automatic haircut? I've stood in this marketplace for 25 years. I do not profess to make dead men talk. Hey, now, here you go there. Who's for an automatic haircut? Only threepence a time. You may have long, short or straight hair, it makes no difference to the automatic hair-cutting machine. Here, Cyril. You could do with an haircut. Cut me hair? That's where me strength is. Sir, you look like a man who could do with a haircut. Go on, Cyril. - Come on, sit down. - Hold that, then. You have a lot of hair. Would you like an estimate? Very funny. Get on with it. Just sit tight, while I lower this hair- cutting machine. We'll have you finished in a minute. - I feel a right nana sitting here. - You look lovely. It will be smashing. - You keep you eyes on that geezer. - Yeah, all right. - What's goin' on? - It's all right. Nothing to worry about. A little friction to start. - It tickles. - You always say that. Oh! Oh! Cyril! - You're smoking. - I'm on fire. Stop it! - Excuse me. - Me head's on fire. It's all right, sir. What you done? Give me a mirror. A mirror? I'll go home and get you one. Look at me hair. - Where is he? I'll kill him. - There he is, mister. I'll smash your teeth down your throat. There he goes, down there. Come on. You're too fat to catch him, are you? Oi, big bonce. Get out of it! There he is. Get out me way! Oi! - Hurry up. We're on. - Get out the way. ME OL BAMBOO - Thank you. - Here. - Thank you very much. - And thank you. It's Daddy. He's got the car. I got it. He's got the car! Come on. Hello! What do you think of this? Isn't she a beauty? That's a nice pile of junk, my boy. It needs a little work, but there's a fine engine under here. - It doesn't go, though, does it? - Not yet, but it will. You can make it go, can't you? We're gonna give it a try. Put a hand to the wheel. George, give us a hand here. - OK, heave! - We're off! Hurray! Comfortable, Grandpa? It won't work, of course. Another catastrophe. - Left hand down. - Come on, Grandpa, push. Watch it, Jeremy. Mind the bicycle. Ah, good. Keep coming. That's it. Watch out, Edison. Keep coming. - All right, governor? - Many thanks, George. - Now... - Can we stay and watch? We'd better go. You know what your dad's like when he's working. - But we wanted to stay and watch. - I'll make you a nice cup of tea. Don't overdo it, my boy. - Right. - You might exhaust yourself. Come on! "And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain." "No, the princess cried..." "And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain." It's awfully quiet in there. - Breakfast is ready. - He's been there for days! Come and have your breakfast. Daddy said the car would be finished today. You'll be waiting a month of Sundays before he's finished that. Come on. - That's Daddy! - He's finished the car! - Gosh! - Oh! What do you think? She's the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. It's wonderful. Daddy, you're so clever. - Can we go for a drive? - A drive? I have a better idea. How about a picnic? Let's get cracking. You get the basket. Get in, Jemima. Mind the woodwork. - Don't touch the horn. - Here's the basket. Put it on the back. Don't touch that. Grandpa, come on. We're going on a picnic. It'll never go, my dears. Not if he's had anything to do with it. But it is going. Then it'll never stop. Anyway, it's far too hot. - Where are you going? - Me? I'm off to Alaska, me boy. Cheerio. Goodbye, Grandpa. Come on, Daddy. - We're off. - We're off! Sit down, Jemima. Are you ready? - Yes! - Here we go. Mind your back, Grandpa. Bye, Grandpa. Nasty, smelly things, motor cars. - What a funny noise it's making. - It's talking to us. - All engines talk. - What's it saying? It's saying... Chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty, chitty chitty. Bang, bang. Chitty chitty bang bang. Chitty chitty bang bang. Chitty chitty bang bang, chitty chitty bang bang. CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG - Daddy! - Look out! A slight squeeze on the hooter is an excellent safety precaution. Never mind about that. How am I supposed to get out of here? Well... Looks to me as if you'll have to walk or swim. In this dress? Don't be ridiculous. - Come on. - What are you doing? - I'm gonna carry you. - Must you? Unless you'd rather ride piggyback. - All right, you may carry me. - Good. Wait, my handbag. It's all right. - Thank you. - Not at all. - We're going to the seaside. - On a picnic. - Come with us. - Please. I'm hardly In the mood for a picnic. I can have Mr Coggins tow out your car. - We've got sausage tarts. - And marmalade rolls. I got it a little mixed up. What an unusual car. Daddy made it. - And it actually goes? - It's called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. That's a curious name for a motor car. But that's the sound it makes. Listen. CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG Ohh! I'm so glad you came. It's more fun with two grown- ups. Truly Scrumptious. Even if we didn't know your name, we could have guessed it. - Oh? - You had to be called something lovely. - Like Yum Yum. - Or Angel Cake. Or Toot Sweets. Yes, Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets? Oh, no. TRULY SCRUMPTIOUS - Come on. - Wait for me. - Mr Potts? - Somebody call? - I'm sorry. - That's all right. - What are you doing? - Just tinkering. You know, Mr Potts, you have two wonderful children. Why, thank you. I must agree with you there. Isn't it beautiful? Lovely. Just lovely. Jeremy, it's not nice to peek. I'm not peeking. I'm looking. - Do you think they like each other? - Of course they do. - Are they going to get married? - Has he kissed her yet? Not yet. Just as soon as he kisses her, then they'll have to get married. - Jeremy, what are you doing? - Keeping a look-out for pirates. There aren't any pirates round here, are there? I'm sure there are. Hundreds of them. Of course there are. This is where they bury their treasure, isn't it? - Mm-hm. - Tell us a story about pirates. A story about pirates? Let me see. I can see a boat. A boat? Did you say a boat? - That isn't just any old boat out there. - No? Zat iz ze private yacht of ze notorious Baron Bomburst. Baron Bomburst? You haf never heard of Baron Bomburst? Ruler of Vulgaria? Ze most evil man in ze world. - Gosh! - Ja. Und he has sailed all ze way to England, because he has heard tell of a fantastic motor car built by zat brilliant inventor, Caractacus Potts. - Hurray! - Yes, hurray. Und he has come to steal ze car und take it back to Vulgaria with him. That car! I want it. I want it! - But, Your Excellency... - Are you giving me an argument? Stand by the boats, man the grappling hooks and load the cannon. - He's awful! - He's terrible! - He isn't even nice. - He can't steal our lovely car. - You won't let him, will you? - They're getting closer. - We've got to get away. - Start the car. - Quickly, before they get here! - That's easier said than done. - But why? - I'll tell you. What none of us have noticed is while we've been sitting here the tide has been coming in. We're completely cut off. What are we going to do? - Do hurry, Mr Potts. - Everyone stay calm. Look! They are completely cut off by the tide. They will all drown. I haven't seen a good drowning in years. - Can I help? - Push the throttle lever! - Hurry, Daddy! - Quickly, before they get here. - Not that one. The other one. - It won't start. We're gonna have to swim for it. Come on, Jemima. - We must. Come on, Jeremy. - Everybody over the side. Everybody hold on. - This is impossible. - Well, you built it. - You always said it was a magic car. - I did? - Look. It's a boat. - I knew Chitty would save us. Hang on, everybody. We're off. A floating car? What do you think of that, Chancellor? Yabba, a car, floaten on the waterfol. This in my whole lifelodes, this never could be seen, never. It's uncategorical. A fuel-burning oracle. A fantasmagorical machine! CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG They're firing at us! We'll show them something. Follow that car! I want that car! I must have it! Follow that car! I want the car! I must have it! Action stations. We're going ashore. Get out! Where are my two spies? Ah, there you are. Now, then. I have a secret mission for you. You will go ashore and capture that motor car, understand? Good. But... if you fail, I will cut off your heads. Now! I want that car. - Now, then, vere are we? - I haf here a map. I know where we are, stupid! We are in England. And ven we are in England, vat do ve do? We play cricket. No. We dress like Englishmen. Remarkable weather we are having for the time of the year. Do you not think so, Cuthbort? Indubitabably, Basil. - You know, Mr Potts... - Caractacus. - It's a pretty silly name. - I don't think so. You know, I really owe you an apology. You're more than just a father to those two children. Nursemaid, private tutor, chief cook and bottle-washer, everything. Except what they really need. - It's been quite a day. - It certainly has. Thank you, and say goodbye to the children for me. Yes, I will. - I hope we'll see you again. - I hope so, too. - Goodbye. - Goodbye. THIS LOVELY LONELY MAN Quickly! Quickly! Hurry! Hurry! Come on! Hurry! They're coming! Get ready! Fire! This way! Stop! Up! Hup! - They're trying to get past. - Fine. Get over, you halfwit. It's Father, and he's in one of his tempers. - That'll be a change. - Let him pass. There isn't room. Get out of the way. Move over, you idiot. Turn off here. We got him! You nincompoops! I'll have you sent away for the rest of your lives. I suppose you baboons have some explanation for this outrage. - You stupid fool! - What have I done? I have an idea. Remember, we are supposed to be English gentlemen. So, let us try and behave like English gentlemen. Ja, ja, ja. So, open the door. "Carac-a-tacatus Potts." "Inventor." Typical English eccentric. That must be the inventor. Pardink me for protruding but have I the pleasure of undressing Herr... Mr Potts? That's me. What do you want? You selling something? I don't want nothing. Excuse me. I'm off to Africa. Africa? Zat was a ruse to put us off ze scent. I know where he has gone. He has gone into his laboratory. - Quick, the portable wireless transmitter! - Jawohl! Jawohl. - This is X speaking. - Schwecks? - No, X! - Legs? - X as in... - Eggs and bacon. Send transport immediately. - They're here! - Quickly! That way! Quickly! This way! Quickly! Get up the ladder! Quickly! Quickly! Up! Take it up! Now over here! Up! Up! Wait for me. Hello. What's your game, then? What's going on? I'm flying. - Look. - What's that? - It's a big balloon. - A Zeppelin. - What's that underneath? - That's Grandpa's hut. - But what's it doing up there? - I don't know. Caractacus, I'm being kidnapped. What are you doing? You come down here. It's me, your own father. They won't get away with that. Hold tight back there. - Sit down, Jeremy. - Quickly! Hurry, Daddy! Caractacus! He's getting away! Hold on, Grandpa. We're coming! Help! Come back, Grandpa. What do you think you're doing? I'm being abducted by foreigners. Caractacus! Hey! Where are they going? Look out! Where are they going? Look out! What's happening? - Look at that. - It's fantastic. You're a genius! It's nothing, really. - Look! There they are. - Go, Daddy! After them. We'll catch 'em up. - We've lost them. - We'll find them. - What about Grandpa? - Don't worry about Grandpa. He can take care of himself. This is livin', this is style POSH We are still losing height. There must be something else we can throw out. There's nothing else we can throw out. - You just dropped someone. - I can't swim. Come back! POSH - Schweinhund! - Schwasser! - What do we do now? - Start swimming. - I don't swim. - Then start drowning! Hello. Where are we? Somewhere over the North Sea, I think. Don't you know where we're going? I don't, but Chitty does. I think we're in pretty good hands. Good morning. This is your captain speaking. We hope you had a pleasant trip. We are about to land in Vulgaria. - Where? - Vulgaria? Please fasten your seat belts, and no smoking. Thank you. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Speed, 41/2 knots. Wind, east-southeast. Brigade, attention! - We haf a guest. Welcome him. - Jawohl, Your Excellency! Order arms! Professor Potts. Please, walk zis way. Present arms! On behalf of Her Majesty the Queen, I'd like... Excuse me. You're early. - Down the table and in the pocky. - You cheat. - Professor Potts - Professor? Vulgaria welcomes ze brilliant Professor Potts, inventor extraordinary. Excuse me, sir. There seems to be some sort of mistake. You are not Professor Potts, ze inventor? Executioner! What would you like me to invent, sir? I will show you. My horse! Get the horse for His Excellency. Gee up! How proud you look on that fine horse. The most beautiful toy you ever bought me, my darling. - But, who is this? - Professor Potts from England. I think we haf a surprise for you. Eh, Professor? - Come on. - Adieu. Vat do you think, Professor? Everything you need. These will be your assistants. And this is the baronial car. Can you make zis car float? Like ampfibial English motee car. Float over the cresty wave of the wart. It's not that easy without my laboratory. I have already thought of that. Here is your laboratory. If you succeed in making the car float, I will make you privy counsellor. But if you fail, I will stuff your head wiz sauerkraut and feed it to the dogs. Feedy dorribles, snarly snort horribold. You haf got 24 hours. Proper card, he is. Odd sense of humour. Stuff me head with sauerkraut. The baron never makes jokes. Look at us. We've been here for years and years. I came here to repair the telephone. That was 24 years ago. They have terrible tortures. The thumbscrew and the rack. They stretch you and stretch you. When I first came here, I was a midget. Phaw! But, I mean, a floating car! That's impossible! - Nothing's impossible. - That's what my son's always saying. We'll help you, won't we, lads? Nil desperandum. We'll succeed. You'll see. Courage, man. GROW THE ROSES
 * 1) P-O-S-H, P-O-S-H
 * 2) Posh!

Oh, Daddy, we'll never find him. We must keep looking. Look! What's that down there? A- ha! Let's have a look. Look! - The Zeppelin! - We've found Grandpa. Not yet we haven't. What's happening? - Remarkable! - Your Excellency... - We are being attacked. - Attacked? Attack! Attack! That was that terrible Bomburst! It certainly was. - Where are they going? - It's a car! Where did they go? How floaty in the heavenly abode, fully peoplebodies. Fire! What's the matter with you? You want to destroy my beautiful car? They're firing at us. There are children up there. We'd better get away from here. Hang on, everybody. We're coming in to land. Your Excellency, it's landing in the village. Call out the guards! And call out the child catcher! Charge! Charge! Let me in. We made it! - Isn't Chitty wonderful? - You're clever, Daddy. Yes, he certainly is. You all stay here. I'm going to the castle. - We want to come too. - To help you find Grandpa. Don't you think we ought to stay together? - Maybe you're right. - Come on, children. - I wonder where we are. - I don't know. Come on. Pardon me, sir. The castle? - Le chateau? - Der Schloss? What's the matter with him? Come on. What are they staring at? I don't know. It seems to be the children. Haven't they seen children before? Haven't you noticed? There aren't any children. Not one. What's going on? Hey, you, what's happening? Soldiers! Soldiers! Hey, you there! - Get the children in here. - Can you tell me what's happening? Quickly, before the soldiers get here. Come, Fraulein. Get inside, quickly. We must hide the children. The soldiers will take them away. But why? Nobody's allowed to have children in Vulgaria. - But what about all these toys? - The baroness hates children. Quickly, down there. And don't make a sound. I want every house in this square to be searched from top to bottom. First section, step out there and search. Second section, over there. Section three, over there. Search everywhere! Giddap! There are children here somewhere. I can smell them. Aaah-ha! Captain! I think we've got them. - Lieutenant! - Break down this door. Get this door open. All right. I'm coming. Bang the door down! Quickly! You've no right to come in here! - Search the place! - Search! Search! A- ha! They are here somewhere. I can feel it in my bones. There are children here. Children in a toy shop. Such a notion. I mean... What are you doing? That's for the baron's birthday. Let me tell you, toymaker. This nose of mine has never failed me. And if there are children here, my friend, you will die. A- ha! Quick, open it up. Get down there and search the cellar. The baroness will have your teeth for a necklace and your eyeballs for earrings. - Nobody down here. - Fool. Idiot. Out of my way. You have to know where to look. Like cockroaches they get under the floors, in the cracks in the walls, in the woodwork. I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden. Every toy I make is exclusively for His Excellency the Baron. Captain, ze flying car. We've captured ze flying car. Fall in! Fall in! Take zis car to the castle. - They can't take Chitty. - Daddy, do something. - What are you going to do? - I'm not just gonna stand here. Are you mad? Are you going to take on the whole army single- handed? What kind of a country is this? No children. Everybody terrified out of their lives. My friend, take some good advice. Take your children and your good lady and get out of Vulgaria. And leave Grandpa up in the castle? We need to get him out. - Just tell me how to get there. - I'm only a toymaker. If I don't finish this for the baron's birthday, I shall be a dead toymaker. I'll go myself. Truly, you stay here with the children. All right, all right. You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. - Here's one for you, one for you. - Thank you, toymaker. Keep them out of sight, please. You be good and do what Truly tells you. - We will. - Yes, Daddy. Are you coming? Come. Quickly! There isn't a scrap of food in the place. - I'm so hungry, my tummy hurts. - Mine is making funny noises. I simply must find something for you. Promise not to move from here until I come back. - We promise, don't we? - Yes. Remember, you stay right here. To get in that way, you have to be a mouse, or a magician. We should go down now before a sentry sees us. Come. Come. The flying car. At last it's mine. Send for the inventor. Now, then, fly. - Yes, fly. - Fly. - Come on. Fly. - Fly, fly, fly. I command you to fly! Watch it. - Over here. - Hello! What's this doing here? You are the inventor. Make this car fly. Make it fly. Go on. Get in. Stand back, everyone. We are going to fly. Yoo-hoo, Bombie, wait for me! Every time I want to have a little fun, she turns up. My darling, we are going for a fly. How exciting. Fly. How thrilling. - Hurry up. - I am doing my best, sir. Just a minute. Here's one we haven't tried. - Here we go, my beloved. - Hold on! Isn't it exciting, my dear? You are a genius. Bring my guns. Don't worry, little pigeon. I'll get you down. I've been waiting for this for 20 years. Are you still there, my love? Don't move. There she is, Your Excellency. My diamonds! Are you all right, my dear? I'm all right, my dumpling. Good. Never mind. I'll get her the next time. Here we are, children. Come and get your lollipops. Lollipops. Come along, my little ones. Lollipops. Ice cream. Chocolate. All free today. Listen. What's that? Children, where are you? I know you're here somewhere. I've lots of lovely goodies for you. Jeremy, you mustn't. Lollipops. And all free today. Cherry pies, cream puffs, ice cream, treacle tarts. - Treacle tarts. - And ice creams. And all free. Come along, kiddiwinkies. - Come on. - Truly said we mustn't. We'll get Truly some as well. Mr Man... Children, come back. Children, come back here. Come along, my little dears, my little mice. Come to me. What will it be? Ice cream? Strawberry, chocolate, vanilla. It's all inside. Come along, my little dears. Not a penny to pay. Go inside, my little dears. Children! Truly. Help! Help! - What's happened? - He took the children. Your Excellency. - Let us out. - Silence. Children, Your Highness. Foreign children. Unique specimens. You're sure they can't get out? No, Your Highness. Perhaps Your Highness would care to examine them. Nasty little creatures. Very, very treacherous. Foreign. - Wait till our daddy hears about this. - He'll blow up the whole castle. Take them away to the tower. You're a nasty, horrid, mean old lady. And very ugly. Oh, she's going. is the castle of Baron Bomburst. These are our children. For five years, we have hidden them here. They don't know what a tree looks like or what it is to run in the sunshine. Food. There's bread for everyone. Like little rats, they run up and down the sewers, stealing food from the kitchens. Here, catch! Son! I think my children are up there in the castle with their grandfather. - Have you seen them? - No, sir. - A little boy and girl? - Yes. They're locked up in the tower. - And the grandfather? - In the dungeon. Sir, have you come to help us? Are you going to take us out of here? - What's your name, son? - Peter, sir. Peter, you shouldn't be afraid, even in a terrible place like this. Because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're afraid. HUSHABYE MOUNTAIN Is that the only advice you have to offer? It's a beautiful dream, but I don't see how it's going to help them. We're gonna get up into that castle. - It is impossible. - We'll see. Everybody listen to me. - You want to get out of here, don't you? - Yes! Tomorrow is Baron Bomburst's birthday, yes? Boo! We'll give him a party he'll never forget. Everybody gather around here. I have an idea. Don't move. What a picture. Such memories it brings back. My little dumpling. My Liebling. YOURE MY LITTLE CHU CHI FACE What a rotten birthday party. Never mind, my little Bombie. I have a surprise for you. Surprises! Oh, I love surprises. Sit down quickly. Summon the toymaker. Hurry up. Don't waste time. Your Excellency, may I wish you all you wish yourself on this happy occasion. Never mind that. What have you made me for my birthday? What have I made you? Such a toy. A work of mechanical perfection. Where is it? Bring it in. Right away. I'll get it for you. Bring in the baron's birthday present. This year, Your Excellency, I have surpassed even myself. Put it down there. Careful with it. For months I have been working night and day perfecting every little detail to bring you this. Dolls? Dolls? I have hundreds of dolls. But this is not just an ordinary doll, Your Excellency. You see? DOLL ON A BOX Just a minute! Atchoo! Oh, I'm so happy I could jump for joy! - Come on. - Come, follow me. Children! Get me down! Call the cavalry! - Jeremy, Jeremy! - Jemima! - They could be anywhere. - Look that way. I'll go this way. Jeremy and Jemima! Jeremy and Jemima! Jeremy! Jemima! It's Truly. We're in here. Don't worry. We'll get you out of here. Here. They're in there. - Children, are you all right? - Daddy, get us out of here! We found them. Help me break the door down. Children, get away from the door. - Children! - Daddy! Daddy! Let me down! Ow! - Mein Liebchen, are you hurt? - My back is broken. - We must escape through the cellars. - Well, come on, hurry up. Come on. - You stay here. - Daddy, where are you going? Where are these children coming from? We passed a law against children. - This way. We'll go down here. - Where are we going? - I'll get my clothes dirty. - Don't argue. Oh, my crown! I lost my crown. Never mind, my little Bombkin. Here. Attack! - Daddy, look out. - Look, there's Chitty. She's come to save us. Hello. What's that car doing here? There's Grandpa. Caractacus! Stand back from the propellers. Keep clear. And so, after that, Vulgaria became a free country. And all the children laughed and played and they were very happy. And Chitty flew high over the mountains back to England, everybody safe and sound and... - And Daddy and Truly were married. - And lived happily ever after. Is that how the story ends? It's getting late. We'd better get back. Well... - Goodbye, Jeremy, Jemima. - Goodbye, Truly. - Will we see you again? - I expect so. - Goodbye. - Goodbye. Truly! I hope the children didn't embarrass you. - In what way? - That silly joke about us getting married. - You know what kids are like. - I understand. I don't think they realise how ridiculous that would be. - Ridiculous? - Well, yes. I mean, you live in that big house, and your father, and the factory and all. It's a different world. If I said something like that, you'd call me a snob. - I didn't mean... - Goodbye! Well, don't you want to ride up front? Well, that was a fine picnic, wasn't it? - Shall we have another one tomorrow? - With Truly? Well, Miss Scrumptious has a lot of social engagements, you know. Are we ever going to see Truly again? Well, we'll see. That's Lord Scrumptious's car. - Why, I believe it is. - I wonder what it's doing here. - I don't know. - Come on. - Excuse me? Are you...? - Good afternoon. That's wiped out your cavalry. But I have my second infantry battalion attacking from the rear. Attacking from the rear? That's dashed unethical. Artillery, prepare to open fire. Number one battalion, prepare to advance. - What's going on? - I've been waiting for you, young Potts. - And that wiped out your artillery. - You're a cad, Potts. - What is going on here? - Fancy you being old Bungie's son. - Best batman I ever had. - Thank you, sir. My boy, allow me to introduce to you my brigadier. - Potts, how about some more tea? - Right away, sir. As for you, there's a good chance you may be very rich. What do you mean? Those confounded sweets of yours. Useless for humans, wonderful for dogs. Woof Sweets, that's what we'll call 'em. Canine candies. Dogs love 'em. Make a fortune. - You've done it, Daddy. - Have I? It's the posh life for us all now. We're going to be rich. I invented something that actually works? I wouldn't be offering you a contract otherwise. Later. Don't go away. - What about the contract? - Where are you going? Daddy! What's the matter with the fella? He's a bit of an eccentric, sir. A genius, of course. But definitely an eccentric. Can't imagine where he gets it from. Truly, you'll never believe it. I got home and your father was at my house. - I know. They told me at the house. - We're rich. More than that, I have succeeded. I always knew you would. You know something else? There's nothing ridiculous about getting married. Whoever said there was? Well, Mr Potts. - What's the matter? - Now you'll have to marry me. - So dreams can come true. - Yes, they can. But you have to be practical too. You have to face the facts. A man has to see things as they really are. A man with responsibilities can't have his head in the clouds all the time. A man should keep his feet solidly on the ground. Oh, a man should have his dreams, but he has to put them to some practical use, not just sit around and think about 'em all the time. CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG
 * 1) Happy birthday to me
 * 2) Happy birthday, dear Bombie